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Sunday, April 18, 2010

I almost died of laughter when I discovered that an excerpt from my book Bedtime Erotica for Men has been used to illustrate the meaning of the word 'hammer' when used in place of the word 'penis'.  The quote can be found on page 477 of The Routledge Dictionary of Modern American Slang and Unconventional English (Hardcover) by Tom Dalzell (Editor)

hammer noun.

1. the penis US, 1967

They had lost all fear of his hammer. Earlier they had teased it mercilessly, using both pairs of hands to stroke the shaft while passing the head from one mouth to the other.  Lexy Harper, Bedtime Erotica for Men, p.49, 2006.

18 apr 10 @ 8:33 am          Comments

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I’ve just finished reading two contemporary romance novels by one of my favourite authors and in both books I was irritated by the hugeness of the hero’s appendage.  It was like reading about inter-species mating: woman and horse!  Both guys were ultra rich and ultra good-looking.  I wouldn’t have minded if they were poor, good looking and well hung, or rich, ugly and well hung, but all three?  Impossible!  Okay, there are rumours that Will Smith is very well hung (Jada honey, please feel free to call or email me to confirm or deny when you get a spare moment), so a man can have all three of these attributes, but surely this is rare

I once dated a guy who was six-foot-one, good looking and though he wasn’t rich himself, he came from money.  He was intelligent, well read, spoke three languages fluently and had a penis that was barely five inches when erect.  I admit to feeling shocked and a trifle disappointed the first time he unleashed the ‘little’ monster, but once he got down to business his enthusiasm made up for the lack of inches.  He was a big fan of hooking my legs around his broad shoulders to maximize his thrusts, so as an added benefit my body became very supple. My current boyfriend is quite good looking, speaks only one language, reads mainly the sports pages and neither he or his daddy is rich.  But he is very well hung.  When I told him about my former boyfriend (omitting his name, of course) and how good he was in bed, small penis and all, he laughed as though I was telling him the biggest joke.  He wasn’t in the least bit threatened.  It would have been a different story if I had told him that my previous boyfriend had had a larger penis – that would have seriously messed with his mind.

But guys with large appendages laugh now because guys who are less endowed are likely to have the last laugh.  As you get older, you well-hung guys, you will find that the flow of blood to your midsection required to bring you to full erection may leave you light headed and too dizzy to perform.  On the other hand, guys with smaller penises will barely miss the smaller flow of blood and be able to fuck on well into their nineties. 

So, three cheers for all the not-so-well-hung men out here!  Keep doing your thing and doing it well.  As soon as my boyfriend starts getting dizzy spells, I will drop him for one (or two) of you.
3 apr 10 @ 2:43 pm          Comments

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